Business Eye: Your time to choose is nigh

Alex Pratt
Alex Pratt
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It used to be that prolonged disagreements and rows would end in acrimonious divorce.

Such partings of the ways were triggered less frequently than they could have been because of the stigma and pain attached.

We tended to stick together “for the sake of the kids” because of the painful alternative.

These days, some seem to have ascended to the happy land of conscious uncoupling, a world in which trailblazers like Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin maturely elect to “love each other deeply” as long as they don’t have to live together.

This is not to be confused with the Coalition which is now sleepwalking into more of an unconscious uncoupling as they smile together for the cameras while Michael Gove’s Free Schools are in the Lib-Dem headlights and Mr Cameron rules out a future Coalition by insisting he would only lead a Government committed to a European referendum in 2017.

Last week Conchita Wurst, the gender fluid bearded Austrian Beyonce stormed the Eurovision song contest. This week, we will be offered a chance to cast our votes in another European election.

Tories are promoting the notion of a frank “relationship” conversation about how it needs to change for us to be as happy as we once were, before we decide either to recommit or to consciously uncouple from Franz and Florence.

UKIP have long since decided that a divorce is the only viable option and have been taunting our partners by trumpeting their every weakness and not turning up to any pre-arranged date nights.

The Labour Party seems happy for us settle and stay together as long as the relationship doesn’t get any worse, and the Lib Dems, as the party of “In” are committed to us staying together as a matter of principle, for richer, for poorer no matter how badly are the 
beatings we are expected to take.

This uncoupling phenomenon is everywhere.

In Scotland, the independence vote allows our tartan brothers to decide whether they should leave home.

While the Jocks are busy hiking in the Glens finding themselves, the rest of us are left wondering why we can’t just decide to get shot of them anyway. Do you think perhaps the Europeans are thinking the exact same thing about us?

Closer to home, it might surprise you to know that there is now even talk that Aylesbury might consciously uncouple from Buckinghamshire.

It’s time to choose. In? Out? Or shake it all about?