‘Love and let go’ – Buckingham foster mum encourages others to change a child’s life

“I’d really love to foster, but I’m just too soft hearted and wouldn’t be able to let them go again,” is something we often hear when people find out we’re foster carers.

Over the past 28 years, Stephen and I have fostered over 100 children and young people. Usually we care for older children, often with disabilities and, in many cases, with behavioural problems.

We’ve supported some of them into their adult lives, others have returned to their birth families, moved to adoptive families or into long-term foster families.

The loss never gets any easier, but we have learned how to cope with the situation and build resilience, in order to make a positive impact on the lives of these children.

Foster families are desperately needed to provide a ‘safe space’ in a child’s life while important decisions are made regarding their future.

Are we super-human? Absolutely not. As our first little foster child was driven away to go and live with her aunt and uncle after a six month stay with us, we watched the car disappear from view in tears, and declared that we could never, ever put ourselves and our children through this pain again.

But as we stood there supporting each other in our grief, we realised the phone was ringing. Our supervising social worker was calling to ask if we could care for a little boy, just over the weekend. His young mother was facing a personal crisis and a brief respite might help her to cope.

This, absolutely this, was why we decided to foster in the first place. Within the hour, our little weekend visitor was in the house. Our children played with him while we dashed around our home making the subtle changes needed to offer this little boy a sanctuary, where his needs could be met.

Four months later he returned to his family. By this time, with two other fostered children already moved into our home, we were well and truly committed to our future as a foster family.

There may be genuine, valid reasons for a person to choose not to foster – it certainly isn’t a lifestyle that suits everyone. But if being afraid of not being able to cope emotionally when a child moves on is your only reason not to – please think again.

Saying goodbye is never easy, but support is available, and you’ll become more resilient. Think of the positive difference you can make to the life of a child who needs help. Fostering can be so rewarding – not always easy, but in our experience the good far outweighs the bad – for the carers, as well as the children.

Anyone interested in finding out more about becoming a foster carer can visit the National Fostering Group website for more information.